DENNY TOVEY, December 3rd, 1949

Dad in front of our house, Summer 2001

Today, my Dad, Dennis Keith Tovey, would have turned 62 years old. He died on April 7th of this year after fighting Leukemia for 10 months. His illness and death took me completely by surprise even though I watched it unfold each day and knew his passing was a very strong possibility right from the start.
It just doesn't seem RIGHT. I mean, it didn't fit into the narrative of his life. My Dad escaped death so many times and he was still extremely strong and lively before he was diagnosed. I realize that no one expects to lose their loved ones. It comes as a shock to everyone, but I've never dealt with it before, not with such a close relationship. I still find myself thinking of him, shaking my head, and saying... "Damn, really?! I can't believe this." I feel like I was reading an exciting book that just took a left turn and ended  abruptly. It's very confusing.

 I miss him. I don't know how to move forward without him as a part of my life. It makes me really, really sad. Today, on his birthday, I want to share some thoughts about him that I wrote and spoke at his funeral. I hope those of you that loved him, and those of you who never knew him, will find it useful. Here goes:

"Denny, My Dad."

by Craig Tovey

First, I want to talk about my beliefs and my Dad’s beliefs as far as life, death, and what lies beyond. Second I want to talk about my Dad's personality and character, and his time here on earth.

PART 1.      

      My Dad and I shared a faith regarding the purpose of this life. It’s called the plan of salvation. I'll start by talking about the big picture. I believe we are ALL children of a common Father. He loves us and before this life gave us the opportunity to be born into this world. The purpose? To get the bodies that we now enjoy and often mistreat. We came to this life to obtain a body, to learn it’s strengths and weaknesses, to try our faith and obedience, to learn to love and forgive, and after a time…. leave that body temporarily behind and move onto the next phase of an eternal progression. I want to talk about the two major obstacles we mortals face in this world: Sin and Death.

SIN

This life is both brutal and beautiful, painful and sublime. We all make several poor choices here in this life and sometimes mistreat each other and ourselves, and it leaves a mark. To return again to God we would need to be clean of the mistakes, sins, and regrets of this life. We need to be pure to return to our perfect Father. He provided the means for us to be forgiven of our mistakes and screw-ups. He sent our savior Jesus Christ to rectify this. Christ has paid for our sins and if we choose to accept his sacrifice and follow his teachings, we can experience forgiveness and be clean again. As followers of Christ we’re trying to learn how to screw up less and less, but when we do, NOT if, but WHEN we stumble again, if we are sincere about our desire to change, and rededicate ourselves, we are repeatedly forgiven. This is the beauty of the atonement of Christ, the Redeemer.

DEATH

Now… the other problem of this life, BESIDES the problem of making ourselves unclean by selfish and disobedient actions, is that to continue on our eternal journey, we’re going to need our body again. In death we are separated body from spirit. Like a hand in a glove, our body and spirit are inseparable in life. It’s only when we die that our spirit leaves our body behind. This vessel is not who we are. We wear it like a glove, and it is imperfect and mortal. God also sent Christ to over come this obstacle for us. Jesus broke the bands of death and re-emerged from his tomb after 3 days. He rejoined his body, but not just his earthly body. He resurrected into a perfect immortal body that can no longer be separated form the spirit. The beautiful and marvelous fact is that this gift is given to all men whether they choose it or not. Every person ever born on this earth will be reunited with his or her body one day. Because you came to earth, were born and died you will one day know immortality, our spirits will reunite with a perfect and incorruptible body. This is discussed at length in the scriptures.

“And have hope toward God… that there shall be a resurrection of the dead, both of the just and unjust.” ACTS 24:15, Bible

“But there is a resurrection, therefore the grave hath no victory, and the sting of death is swallowed up in Christ.” MOSIAH 16:8, Book of Mormon

“We need not doubt the reality of the Resurrection simply because we do not understand it. We witness the constant miracle of birth; it is real, although not fully understood. The coming of a newborn child occurs under the direction of a loving Father in Heaven. So will the resurrection of everyone who has lived, who now lives, or who will yet live upon this planet.”  -Elder Neal A. Maxwell, Apostle of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

This thought brings peace to my soul. One day I will see my Dad again. His spirit is no longer with his body. But because of the mission of Jesus Christ he will be resurrected. The disease, death, and decay will be a distant memory. He’ll have a body that will be perfect, flawless, and eternal. Maybe not today, this year, or next even, but someday soon, when the earth fulfills the measure of its creation we will be reunited with our bodies…. every last one of us. Until then, me, my family, my friends will all take turns passing from this life to the next leg of our journey. One by one we’ll all experience death. Some will be peaceful and timely, others will be premature and tragic. The thought breaks my heart, but there is another thought that attenuates the pain… that from here on out, as we all slip from mortality, guess who will be there to welcome us to the other side? Denny Tovey… and I don’t think we could be in better hands.

Denny at age 23.

PART 2.      

      It might come as a surprise to hear that I’ve been thinking about what I would say at my Father’s funeral for at least ten years now. I went to a funeral about that long ago for the father of a friend and I was struck by this thought, “What will people say about me when I’m gone? What will I say when MY DAD goes?” 

      A funeral is the summary of a life. Who’ll show up? What will they say? Will any of it be true? I’ve often thought about how I can explain my Dad to others. Typically, a funeral is an exercise in hyperbole and superlatives. Everyone becomes the “most” and the “best” at everything they ever did. Every positive character trait becomes exaggerated, and every negative one disappears. I’ve struggled with this when thinking about my Dad. I want to tell the truth, I want to be honest. Those are virtues he taught me to value. But that’s a difficult task when it comes to my Dad. As soon as I think of a strength, I think of a weakness. And vice versa. The one thing I feel comfortable saying is that my Dad elicited a strong reaction from those around him. You either loved him or hated him (and sometimes both at the same time) but you never felt indifferent. He was terrible and great, but never mediocre. My Dad could be a truly terrifying, violent, and fierce human being. I’ve never been as afraid of something in my life as when my Dad lost his temper. BUT! I’ve never known anyone more unrepentantly loving, giving, tender, vulnerable, and sensitive. My Dad made me believe that the world was full of morons and idiots, (some of them are in this room right now…) but many, many times I saw him drop everything to help a person in need. He might try and start a fistfight in the middle of a busy intersection, but he would visit sick and dying people in the hospital of his own accord. He was grouchy, hated kids screaming, and told everyone exactly what was on his mind, but he was a great storyteller, laughed often, and he loved to have fun. But I don’t want to dwell on what made him human, his weaknesses. I’ve had enough humanity for the time being. Suffice it to say my Dad was deserving of the superlatives. He was outstanding at everything he did… both good and bad.

In the past I’ve had people ask me to tell them about my Dad and it’s always stumped me. The best I can do is say,” That’s a great question, how much time do you have? Did you want to cover this in one sitting or over several visits?” Now, I’m faced with the same question essentially. I want to describe my impression and experiences that make my Dad who he is.

LIFE IS A BATTLEFIELD

My Dad is a fighter and a warrior. I’m guessing that if he took a truly accurate job aptitude test, it would say that he should have been A) a WWII soldier that hunted and killed Nazis, B) Muscle for the mafia, or C) a cowboy in the wild west. I’m guessing that right now God has him on some security detail or planning an attack on the devil. My Dad viewed life as a battlefield. He hated wearing neckties and often said the reason was because he was sure someone had tried to strangle in the premortal war in heaven. I remember one time in high school I made the mistake of accidentally surprising my Dad at home. I fell asleep in the living room after cross-country practice, and Dad came home and didn’t know I was there. He was getting something out of the laundry and had his back turned as I approached him, and I said, “Hey Dad.” I couldn’t believe how fast he spun around with his fist cocked about to take my head off. It happened so fast it startled me too! 

This fight in him served him well when he was battling Leukemia. He fought bravely. It’s just a shame Leukemia isn’t an ogre or sasquatch or something, cause then my Dad could have easily whacked it to pieces with an axe, or a lead pipe, or his bare hands.

MISBEHAVING

My Dad liked to push the limits and have fun. When I was a kid he always said, “If you want to do something illegal... just tell me and we’ll do it together!” Whether it was racing go-karts in the church parking lot, lighting fires, riding motorcycles, shooting guns, or anything else. My Dad wasn’t having fun unless it was bordering on illegal or deadly. Honestly, I think it’s a wonder he didn’t get himself killed on several dozen occasions… or, you know, every time he got in a car. I know I was afraid of dying when I had to drive with him. 

Although my Dad was phenomenal at misbehaving and having fun, he was always honest when he got caught. He had a love/hate/respect relationship with authority. He would tell me about the several times he would push his car well over 120 MPH, just for fun, and then pass a cop car. He’d then, of his own accord, pull over and stick both hands out the window with his license and registration and wait for the cop to catch up to him and write him a ticket. He figured if he didn’t make the cop chase him he wouldn’t take him to jail.

INTEGRITY HARD WORK

My Dad was an incredible and talented mechanic. To provide for his family of seven children and keep their mother at home, he worked extensive hours doing back-breaking physical labor repairing cars. I’m sure every one of you at some point benefitted from his knowledge of cars and mechanics. I know I did. But more importantly I learned to appreciate hard work and despise laziness.

My Dad was honest and fair in his dealings with his fellow men. He was a tithe payer and gave 10% of all his earnings to our church. He contributed to the missionary and humanitarian aid fund liberally. He never told me this but I happened upon a year-end statement from the church. My Dad kept his promises and told the truth. From him I learned to value integrity and honesty. To do what you say, and say what you do. In today's world, these are endangered virtues. Telling the truth has given way to “misspeaking,” and keeping your word has given way to “flakiness.” Denny was a man of his word.

I could go on and on about my Dad with hundreds of stories and lessons, but I’ll save some time for everyone else. I will say this. I will miss him and I’m sad he’s gone. It feels like it wasn’t his time. He had a lot left to do, to learn, and give. He wanted to serve a mission for the church. It will take me some time for me to make sense of why he's gone. No matter what... I’m grateful he was my Dad. The good and the bad, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I know my Dad isn’t gone forever. He’s gone home and he’s waiting for us, and I can’t wait to see him again. My favorite scripture is in the Book Of Mormon. For me it fits all occasions because it gets at the purpose of why we’re here and what we’re all working and striving for. I think it especially fits today, thinking of my Dad. ENOS 1:27 reads:

“And I soon go to the place of my rest, which is with my Redeemer; for I know that in him I shall find rest. And I rejoice in the day when my mortal shall put on immortality, and shall stand before him; then shall I see his face with pleasure, and he shall say unto me: Come unto me ye blessed, there is a place prepared for you in the mansions of my Father.”

Kids, This Won't Change A Damn Thing... But More Power To Ya!

Approximately 3,000 young folks gathered at the Galivan Center in Salt Lake City on Saturday (Sept. 24th, 2011) to run 2 miles up State street to the Capitol building... in their unmentionables. I was vaguely aware of the event before Saturday. I'm not all that "in the know" about hip things to do or activist type stuff. A friend mentioned in passing that she was looking for the right pair of underpants to run in, but I just thought, "She's really wacky anyway. It's probably just her and some friends doing some watered-down streaking." But boooooooooy, was I wrong!

Saturday at about 5:15 I got a call from a friend visiting Salt Lake. There was urgency and excitement in his voice, "Dude, there are thousands of people down here about to run in the streets in their underwear! I'm just telling you you should be here, one photographer to another." So I hung up the phone and answered the photographer's gathering call: fabulous photos you'll regret not taking. I grabbed my camera and headed downtown. I parked WAY too far away because I assumed parking near the Galivan Center would be hellish. It wasn't really. Maybe all these semi-nude runners car-pooled? That's very activisty of them. Or it may be they ran there? Warm-ups? At any rate as i walked the several blocks I saw undressed people heading in the same direction. I even passed two lads taking their pants off in a parking lot.... on second thought that may have been something else.

The Galivan center was brimming with several thousand stripped down youths. All of a sudden I felt the odd man out for having my pants on. I was a clothed outsider in a sea of flesh and colorful skivvies. It was truly bizarre how fast the social construction of norms flip-flopped. I tried to blend in as best I could.... I smiled and frequently yelled, "Wooh! Yeah! We're doing it!" But I think everyone saw through me.

There was a stage with a DJ in boxers and the event organizers shouting directions. At one point they led a warm-up and stretching session. The whole spectrum of how a person might attend a public event in their underwear was represented. On one end were the underwear purists, nothing flashy (literally), just their regular underwear and some running shoes. Then there were the costumed folks, loads of people in Superhero type underoos, some cowboys, some sesame street themed outfits, lots of wigs and hats, some sexy lingerie, a bunch of dudes with Pac-man masks. And on the other end, of course, were the thoroughly shaved men in a banana-hammocks. Thanks guys. 

The event had several professed purposes and some that just lingered in sub-text. Officially the gathering was for a Guinness World Record for the most people running in their underwear. That portion of the event had some strict rules for those that wanted to be counted. Men had to wear boxers or briefs and couldn't wear basketball or other athletic shorts. Girls had to have a shirt on over their bras until the counting was done. But you got the feeling that this was the "blah, whatever" part of the evening. It was really just a legitimate way on which to piggyback the real purpose.

The event organizer... I forget his name, and it doesn't matter, dressed it as a protest run against the uptight "sin" laws here in Utah. Laws that are particular to Utah and blamed on the predominant Mormon culture. (I say "blamed" like I don't believe it, but I do.) People were there advocating gay marriage and equal rights for LGBT folks, some were for raising the alcohol limit in beer above 3.2%, and others wanted more bars, or just more stores to be open on Sunday. Some people had respectable causes, but the event was open to the cause of one's own choosing. And choose they did! On kid wrote, "I want to be able to long-board downtown" on his back. Another guy wrote, "Virgins and Lesbians... thanks for nothing!" He was also dressed as Flash Gordon, FYI. Other people were there for sheer spectacle. "No cause, no purpose. Just want to be in public in my underwear." Small fantasies being realized silently in their hearts...

Then you could sense, and this was a very tiny portion of the crowd, there were a couple exhibitionists... the pervs. Dudes that were WAY, WAY older than everyone else, a stone cold expression on their face and a dead look in their eyes. They were enjoying things in a "different" way.

But it needs to be said that all-in-all, it wasn't a sexual event. At least not for me, and didn't appear that way for anyone else... at least not the guys... visually speaking... ahem! I've never seen the big deal with people's underwear. Most bikini's are as, if not more, revealing than underwear and bras. ( I refuse to say panties. It makes me want to die.) I think being "sexy" or "erotic" is all about context; the dark, the mood, the intentions of both parties. All in all, I've seen more/worse at beaches in Italy. And even topless beaches don't become instant orgies or sites for rape. When it's all out in the public and everyone's doing it... meh, who cares about some skin?

It was a really fun event to attend, honestly. I didn't really care about the causes that were represented. I have my own beliefs, and I'll do and vote according to my conscience, but the camaraderie and positivity of all the people there was refreshing. I'm a big fan of community and anytime I see strangers coming together and uniting in a cause it restores a little of my faith in humanity... even if humanity is runnin' around in its drawers. And I really do believe in free speech, demonstration, and protest, even when it might oppose my personal morals. Our country needs to be this way, so I'm all for it. But, the big question for me is... will this make a bit of difference? I mean, even a little tiny bit?

For a reality check on how powerful this event was, KSL.com, the #1 news website in Utah, picked up the AP story... but it was about 126 words long and buried in the "Odds & Ends" section. It was nestled right between a thought provoking story about a dozen clothes dryers being stolen in South Carolina, and a gripping article of a man stopped by Atlanta airport security for carrying fish in his luggage. KSL is king in this market. It's not just #1 for TV, radio, and online news, it's #1 with a f***ing bullet! #2 is miles away. KSL is a great indicator of the majority viewpoint here in Utah. And that's how this event was seen by the overwhelmingly conservative, taxpaying, voting public: marginal and quirky. The laws are the way they are for a reason: old people vote. Boom! The end. And the older people in this state are Mormon. If you want to get through to these people and make them more tolerant of your lifestyle and gracious, legislatively speaking, of your wants... running down the street in your underwear ain't the way to do it. I'm just saying, it doesn't provide quality information, much less a compelling argument.

This event fits right in to the conservative majority's existing schema. Namely, activists are silly hooligans. This is my issue with gay pride parades. Not the cause, not the message behind it, but the method. What are you communicating to the people's who's minds you're trying to change? "We're here, we're queer, get used to it?" (And also ass-less leather chaps.) So, you've proven you're not ashamed to come out in public? Congratulations. You won't be marginalized anymore? That's awesome. Being gay is portrayed as a flamboyant circus-like parade of techno music, rainbow flags, public affection, nudity, and leather-studded fetishes? Uh... I'm going to leave the conversation now. It's not you, I just remembered I have a big presentation next freak, I mean week!

To be persuasive, unfortunately, we need to understand our opposition; what they value, respect, and hold sacred. Then and only then can we approach them in a way that doesn't scare them off. And even then changes will happen a little bit at a time. This is the problem with the causes behind the undie run... they're adversely overshadowed by the undie run! How do individuals become more open-minded and tolerant? Well, the way I became less of an uptight, judgmental, butthole Mormon wasn't by force. Over time, through first hand experience, I met people that were different from me, their religion, sexual orientation, political views, and saw that they were still good. Some of them possessed more love and compassion in their heart than many Mormons I knew. I slowly started to realize that drinking, smoking, a homosexual lifestyle, or other practices that my religion prohibited are often practiced by loving, caring human beings. I learned the sin/sinner dichotomy. And this is how the predominant LDS culture in Utah will be softened up to allow people to live according to the dictates of their conscience... through first hand experience with other humans.

That's all. I expect someone will be offended by this. Oh well.

I'll post a link to photos in a minute.

LET'S TAKE ROLLER-COASTERS TO WORK!

Today I read about how many injury investigations there were from 2009-2010 at the three theme parks here in Orange County, CA, namely, Disneyland, California Adventures, and Knotts Berry Farm. Now "injury investigation" doesn't mean deaths, head wounds, or broken bones.... it means bumps, scrapes, and sprains. When I read this I just imagined poor people holding their elbow at the end of a ride and going "Oooohh! It hurts so bad!" and hoping to God and all his angels that they can get a settlement that will pay for their cigarettes, bud light, and lottery tickets for the rest of their lives.... or at the very least a refund of their admission. But whether they are legitimate accidents or just litigious gold diggers, here are the top 5 rides that had injury investigations for 2009-2010!

1. Ghostrider, Knotts Berry Farm = 28
2. Splash Mountain, Disneyland = 14
3. Xcelerator, Knotts Berry Farm = 12
4. Pony Express, Knotts Berry Farm = 11
5. Space Mountain, Disneyland = 11

The following all had 10.

• Disneyland: Jungle Cruise, Matterhorn bobsleds, Pirates of the Caribbean
• Knotts Berry Farm: Timber Mountain Log Ride
• California Adventures: California Screamin'

There are a couple deaths...  but not in the last 2 years. Both at Disneyland, one occurred in 1998 and the other in 2003. One fellow was struck dead by a flying 9-pound cleat that came loose on the Sailing Ship Columbia ride. The other  was crushed when his car derailed after a wheel fell off on the Big Thunder Mountain Railroad ride. Those sound scary, but the state of California reports investigating injuries at a rate of 5 in every 10 million rides taken at Disneyland's two parks, and 17 in every 10 million at Knotts. Those are pretty good odds considering that EVERY YEAR you have a 1in 6,500 chance of dying in a car crash and a 1 in 400,000 chance of dying in an airplane crash.

So here's my idea... we take roller-coasters to work! Public transportation within the city and across the country is all roller-coasters. Can you imagine the fun we'd have every day. "Honey I'm gonna head to the store to grab some milk. WEEEEEEE!"

I'm All Shook Up

Yeah, take what THIS GUY says seriously...

I have always assumed that comedy was the one sacred thing that all Americans, nay, all HUMANS still held sacred. In a world belabored with "political correctness," "mis-speaking," "cultural sensitivity," it's always been comforting to me to have comedians and comedy shows be a place to cut loose, say what's on everybody's mind, and have a good laugh at ourselves and our ignorance. I assumed this was the case because I've heard things said in TV, movies, and stand-up comedy acts that I wanted to say in real life, not because I really believe them, but because IT'S FUNNY. I heard them, laughed, and thought, "comedy allows you to say whatever you want SO LONG AS SOMEONE THINKS IT'S FUNNY." So you can imagine how upset I was when I read something that undermined this, my dearly held assumption....

I read that Tracy Morgan had to apologize for anti-gay remarks he made during a performance... AS A COMEDIAN. Excuse me, he CHOSE to apologize for offensive remarks. No one made him do anything. He caught some grief for saying that if he found out one of his sons were gay that he would "pull out a knife and stab him." When I play this line in my head using Tracy Morgan's voice and inflection.... it makes me laugh. It's SOOOOO obviously a joke. A good one. It's hyperbole. It's honest in that it addresses how upsetting that can be for some parents. And mostly it's funny cause it makes fun of ignorance. It's not funny cause he was serious. It's funny cause he was totally NOT serious. His stage performance is an act. Whether or not Tracy Morgan is a violent homophobe or not is beside the point. He's a comedian, g*dammit.

And all the queer folks were all upset about him promoting violence towards homosexuals. Yeah... you people need to settle down and think this one through. And yes, I did say "you people." Deal with it. You're telling me that you're afraid someone watching TRACY EFFING MORGAN the well known COMEDIAN is going to hear him say that and think, "Great point, Tracy! My son/brother/friend is gay and that's a great idea, I'm gonna go stab that son of a bit*h!"

I'm not supporting violence towards anybody, especially against gaylords, cause lord knows they're so very weak and helpless. I'm saying I don't think a comedian has to apologize for anything he says, UNLESS it doesn't get a laugh. Your job is to make people laugh. If you fail at that.... then by all means you owe the world an apology. We listened to you in good faith and now our time has been wasted. But if we laugh, fair play. It was relatable and ridculous and clever and entertaining.

If comedians can't make fun of anyone and everyone... then what good is comedy? What would happen if George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy, Chris Rock, or Louis C.K. had to apologize for offensive things they said in their routines? Their apologies would last twice as long as their acts!

This is a problem people.... this is a problem. Comedians apologizing, politicians taking pictures of their crotches... what next? Nerdiness suddenly being considered cool?! Oh wait, we're there. Next stop, the effing Apocalypse. If gay people think they have it bad NOW...

P.S. The obviously ignorant terms for LGBT peeps is sprinkled throughout this post for comedic effect..... see it's funny because here I am saying that it's not about hating gay folks an yet I'm using derogatory terms. The IGNORANCE is what's funny. Archie Bunker, people. Archie motherf**king Bunker.

Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer - "The New Resort Housing Development"

Mayor: "Mr. Cirroc, are you ready to give your presentation?"

Cirroc: "It's just Cirroc, Madame Mayor, and yes, I'm ready. Ladies and gentlemen of the city council, I'm just a caveman! I fell in some ice and later got thawed out by your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me! When I see tall buildings and flashing neon signs sometimes I just wanna get away as fast as I can... to my place in Martha's Vineyard. I'm more at home hunting the wholly mammoth that I am hunting a good interior decorator. And when I see a solar eclipse like the one I went to last year in Hawaii, I think, 'Oh no! Is the moon eating the sun?!' I don't know! Because I'm a caveman, that's the way I think... but there is one thing i do know.
   "The new resort housing development proposed by my partners and myself, will not only provide much needed property taxes, but it will also include more than adequate greenbelts here, here, and here, for recreation and aesthetic enhancement. Thank you."

Mayor: "But Mr. Cirroc, won't this new subdivision of yours destroy the environmentally sensitive wetland area and all the wildlife that live there?"

*Cirroc laughing*

Cirroc: "Madame Mayor, in my time we couldn't afford to worry about a few ducks! Maybe we were just cavemen... but with us PEOPLE came first."

Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer - "Fall in Front of the Public Library"

 Judge: "Mr. Cirroc, are you ready to give your summation?"


Cirroc: "It's just Cirroc, your honor and yes, I'm ready. Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury... I'm just a cave man.I fell in some ice and later got thawed out by some of your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me! Sometimes the honking horns of your traffic make me want to GET OUT of my BMW and run off into the hills or... whatever. Sometimes when I get a message on my fax machine I wonder, 'Did little demons get inside and type it?' I don't know! My primitive mind can't grasp these concepts... But there is one thing I DO know. When a man, like my client, slips and falls on a sidewalk in front of a public library, then he is entitled to no less than $2 million in compensatory damages... and $2 million in punitive damages. Thank you."

Judge: "The jury will now retire to deliberate."

Jury Member: "Your Honor, we don't need to retire. Cirroc's words are just as true now as they were in his time... We give him the full amount."

*Cirroc on cell phone*

Judge: "Did you hear that Mr. Cirroc?"

Cirroc: "Hang on a second... I'm sorry you're Honor, I was listening to the magic voices coming out of this strange modern invention!"

Grad School Reflections - "You're Doing It, Peter!"

So I made way too big a deal for too long about applying to and attending a graduate program. I finished my bachelor's degree in 2003. I knew I was gonna go back for a master's, but couldn't decide on a subject. Communications, Social Psychology, Education?  At this point i could have gotten all three master's degrees in the same amount of time it took me to decide to on one. And then how smart would I have been by now?! So smart I could open a can of tuna fish using only my brain power... or at least smart enough to NOT keep sitting on my cell phone in the car and then knocking it on the ground very time I get out. (This is why I can't have nice things! Like an iphone... I haven't proven I'm even close to responsible enough.)

Anyways... (not a real word) my point is that it wasn't that big a deal to apply and get in and i should have done it ages ago (hyperbole). To all you aspiring grad students out there! (Imagine my voice through a megaphone) Stop being a baby, or babies rather, and JUST DO IT ALREADY!!!... GEEZ! So having said all that, here are my reflections on day1, week1: Orientation.

I showed up to our department building at 9AM... ok 9:15 cause i'm still always late. I walked in behind Sasha the redheaded girl with a grown out mohawk, pushing a ten speed. I walked into the room and enjoyed bagels and orange juice courtesy of the Comms department. Tasty, tasty. I looked around the room and saw that easily 90% of its occupants were female. (This is a common observation for me. Most of my classes, workplaces and so forth have been predominantly female... are my choices in life telling me something? That I'm a big sissy?) We went through some icebreakers (not that terrible gum or a crash course in igloo demolition, but the social kind) and beside getting to know my new classmates, I became acquainted with the comforting idea that these people didn't have it all figured out either. they just made a decision and went with it. Nobody had a narrowly defined idea of what they wanted to research or write their thesis on. They were all in need of guidance and help... like me. I was more social and affable than usual. I think this is the first time in my life (besides an occasional job interview and the first 2 weeks of work) that I actually want to make a good impression on a group of people. For the first time ever I feel like I'm were i belong, that I'm on the right track. I want to excel, I want to stand out, I want to network. These people can help make or break my future.

After a chatty 1 hr session with me cupping my ears to hear the person across the table from me, we walked like a pack of freshmen (name tags and all) over to the library for a tour. The PhD student that took us around urged us to not feel intimidated. "Don't be embarrassed if you don't know what something is, thinking it's something you should have remembered from your undergrad!," she seemed to say... or maybe said word for word. Either way it reinforced the theme for the day for me: "You don't have to have it all figured out right now," or "YDHTHIAFORN" for short, which helps me remember and is totally less confusing!

Then we rode TRAX down to Stoneground (a really great restaurant on 400 S. 250 E. in Salt Lake.) for lunch. I sat next to and talked a lot with Corinne, the department's graduate academic advisor. Astonishingly, she did just that, advised me academically! She encouraged me not to shy away from integrating my photography into my academic career, suggested a few professors I should check out for the Fall, and helped to further set my mind at ease about not having a clear vision of my areas of interest. What a lady!

All in all, my impression of day 1 was this: I'm so glad I did this. It's a big undertaking, but lots of normal people like you are doing it successfully. There are lots of resources and people to help. Yay.

Until next time...

What Do We Live For, If Not To Make Life Less Difficult For Each Other? Part II

I'm gonna end up asking you for money.... so look forward to that! 

My Dad, Denny Tovey (see the Awesome! gentleman to the left), was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL) last Friday. Good news is he has been at the UC San Francisco hospital since then and is already undergoing chemotherapy. He is otherwise very healthy for his age and for his type of leukemia there's a 90% chance he will recover completely, which is really great news for us. He'll spend 30 days for his first round of treatment and return for several more stays over the following 6 months. This came to our family, like so many before us, as a huge shock. No family ever sits around going:

"You know, I have a feeling Dad's gonna get cancer."

"Weird! I thought the same thing! What type, do you think?"

"I'm not a betting man, but if I were, I'd put odds on Leukemia. It's a real sneaky cancer and that's the only way it would get to someone like Dad, cause he's always, like, really... aware! You know?"

"Yeah, like the time he just knew it was me that touched the thermostat! How could he possibly know that?! But he was right... I did. It was so damn cold in that house!"

Anyway, my Dad, Denny, that is, is an auto mechanic by trade. Last summer he closed down his shop after like 30 yrs of business, due to a recently increased economic influence. So he's unemployed and has no insurance. He should be eligible for medical, but that doesn't cover all his monthly living expenses (which luckily are fairly low since he's very frugal) or the ancillary expenses involved in being hospitalized. His wife Becky pays $24/day just to park at the hospital, for example. I'm sure ALL of you know or have known someone who has had a major illness and understand the financial stress that comes from being hospitalized. His Bishop asked him to reach out to friends and family for support and so I'm reaching out to you. So if anyone has a spare couple bucks and feels inclined.... please send a check to:

Denny Tovey
6433 Beechwood Dr.
Paradise, CA. 95969

I'm seriously thinking in the $10-$20 range... more if you're really, really rich. Needless to say, for ANY help I would be very grateful! A few years back my friend Brooke Barragan and I raised some money for a struggling single mother for Christmas. (That was Part I) My Dad was the single biggest contributor at $500. He is ALWAYS the one to offer time and money when someone's in need. I'm hoping that kind of karma will revisit him now that the roles are reversed.

And if you ever need someone to run, walk, or donate time or money to the cause of your choice, I'm totally on-board! Cause without cancer funds that research new treatments the outlook would NOT be as good as it is.

Thank you,