License Plate Frames and Other Ways to Say, "I'm An Idiot."

So this post title is a bit acerbic, but I thought it would be funny... You know, cause it's funny to be mean to people and make fun of others? You never heard of it?! Well, keep an eye out for this new cutting edge comedic approach. It'll be all the rage soon. (FYI: Word on the street there's this thing called "sarcasm" that's getting popular too. It's for people with highly developed senses of humor, so... it might not be for everyone.)

Anyway... it's not usual that I start with a tangent, but there it is. Now let me get back on track. Today I want to discuss the messages and images people choose to put on their vehicles, specifically addressing license plate frames. (see above image) One of my favorite things to do is to approach a vehicle from behind and see the phrase "I heart tight buns in 501's" on a bumper sticker or license plate frame and then match it with the person driving the car. (That particular phrase was on a 1992 Chevy Blazer driven by a middle aged cougar. The best part is when she looked at me with a serious face like she wanted to fight me... as if she knew I was judging her bumper sticker and laughing at her.)

Sidenote: Another one of my favorite driving phenomena is to experience the 1/2 second of someone's face you'll never see again. Like when you're passing a car rather fast and for a split second you both look at each other and the face they happen to be making is right before a sneeze or in the middle of an unattractive yet intense laugh. So for the moment you two will see each other in this life, that person is making the most whacked out face ever. Why did they look over when they knew they were about to sneeze?! I love it. It makes me laugh out loud to myself... a moment that only God and I share.

But I think it's interesting how revealing these messages are about the person driving that vehicle. It's sort of like a myspace page or a blog... without being able to appreciate the depths thereof, the person is speaking volumes about who they are. I think a study should be done about the meaning behind what people post about themselves online, or in this case, on their bumper stickers. I think there is an untold wealth of social psychological information there. I volunteer my blog and this one to the study... just to show how serious I am.

But I'm particularly entertained by the combination of people, vehicle, and message. I'll give an example of a few license plate frames I've seen recently and why they tickled my fancy.

Example 1: '02 Honda Civic: "I see it, I like it, I want it, I get it!"
This was driven by a very average looking, not particularly fashion conscious (I'll just say sweatpants and let you fill in the blanks), female with some big bangs and a perm that screamed out 1991. Now, granted I saw this vehicle and driver in West Valley City, UT, (yes, that's where all the shootings happen) but I imagine she has a television. Does she not know that there are better more desirable cars to pine after? Think about it... she saw the Honda Civic, she liked it, she wanted it, and she got it. And you know what? That's fine! I had a '99 Honda Civic about a year and a half ago. They are great cars that retain their value and get marvelous gas mileage. That's not the issue for me. I take umbrage with the fact that she's flaunting her ability (womanpower, if you will) to get what she wants and using her HONDA CIVIC as an example!!! I'm just saying she's selling herself short is all... Sister, you gotta set your sights higher than that! If you're so confident, why not go after a new Escalade or a Ford F150 King Cab... or at least an Accord.

Example 2: '97 Geo Prizm: "He bought it, I got it!"
I'm not going to describe the driver because I feel bad enough even bringing this one up. The Geo Prizm is a vehicle of shame. And a 10 year old model is just... well, depressing. I'd like to think this person was demonstrating a deep sense of irony, or was being facetious, or maybe just using the frame to get even with her underachieving husband who bought her an EFFING GEO PRIZM! But I don't think that's the case... I don't think that's it at all. :(

In case you have forgotten what this gem looks like:

Moving on...

*Example 3: '99 Cevy Cavalier: "Move outta my way, I need chocolate!"
I'd like to say the driver was petite. I'd like to say the driver looked like a person who demonstrated self control in their day to day decisions that would make a frame like this mildly humorous. I'd like to say the driver was a gay dude just being "fabulous" cause that would be slightly amusing too. I'd like to say that... but I can't. And I'm not a big make fun of fat people person at all. But when you are somewhat to very overweight, I don't think you should draw attention to the fact by putting a message on your car that says, "Getting to food is a top priority in my life." I know that sometimes things are funny cause they're true... but sometimes they aren't funny for the same reason.

All in all, I think the first three examples are variations of the "I'm a b****, get used to it!" theme. I've met this type in real life and it makes me a little sad. I feel like they have given up on developing themselves in life, accepted their weaknesses and personal proclivities and think it's funny to celebrate them. These are people with as much potential and talent as you and I. It's a shame they've given up so easily. (I know these are huge generalizations and my theorem is half baked, but they're just some thoughts.)

*Example 4: '91 Ford Explorer: "Rick's baby... get in, sit down, and shut up!"
"A time to reap, a time to sow..." I'll include the previous examples when i say that there is a time to remove a license plate frame or bumper sticker. (Like "Kerry '04." C'mon people, quit with the "I told you so" already). And some might say to me, "Craig, these people don't care about this as much as you do! Get over it! And P.S. you're a jerk." To which I reply: They cared about it enough when they put it on! (And yes, I am a jerk. I'm working on it!) The proud owner of this rust covered 1991 Ford Explorer cared enough to go to a custom license plate frame retailer and have this custom frame made. And in 1991 his Ford Explorer was cool. I wouldn't have done it, but I can see how he would have been proud of his "baby." The Explorer was the trailblazer (no pun intended) of the modern SUV age. My older brother had one and it was very cool at the time. But the times they are a changin'... and in fact have changed... a while ago. So lose the embarrassing frame "Rick."

So... my plea to the world is to think about what you're saying about yourself with your novelty car frames and stickers. Especially since you are the type who feels the need to communicate with strangers on the road. You're probably saying more than you suspect. Think about the whole package. It's not just a license plate frame... it's attached to a car and a person (YOU!) Is it really the message you intended to give off? I say just skip the whole communication via car bumper thing altogether... but hey, I'll admit I'm in the minority. Judging from all the Calvin peeing on things stickers I still see.


I hate this damn sticker. Is anyone with me?!

*these examples submitted by Alex Kirry... yes, THE Alex Kirry.