"With Sour Cream?! Ha Ha Ha Ha!"

I know what you're thinking: "I like Craig. He's an okay guy. Keeps his nose clean, doesn't offend me too often. Doesn't ask to borrow money... Sometimes he's funny, sometimes he's long-winded, but I got no problems hanging out with him from time to time."


But would you feel the same if I looked like Violet Beauregarde from Willy Wonka?!


I don't know why I did this... it took way too long.

To All My Mormon Peoples / The Strata of Truth Theory

The post you are about to read and my last entry about my job history have two things in common: 1) They relate to a religious / spiritual theme and 2) I stole the idea from another blog. This time I stole the topic from my brother-in-law’s blog Another Man’s Treasure. Paul Malan is an excellent writer, inquisitive thinker, and talented photographer, among other things. He writes about his family (my sister and niece and nephews), his hobbies, his unique experiences, and frequently on his questions, pondering, and musings about life as a Mormon, both in Utah and at large. He recently posted an entry called “Group Belief” that deals with the assumed homogeneity of belief in the Mormon community. You should go read it, along with his other posts. He makes consistently interesting points and reflections. In this post I will be responding to the ideas presented in his post. (I started commenting on his blog, but it got really long and I decided to make a post of it.) I haven’t really written about religion before so I’m curious to see the response.

As I age and see my Mormon friends and acquaintances diverge on points of doctrine and belief, this topic of “Group Belief” is beginning to show its face more and more. At first it caused me to experience some cognitive dissonance to think that Mormons held varying beliefs on several points of "truth." I didn't like the idea that we weren't a united people on every single issue. (It all started when I had my first Democratic Mormon girlfriend.) For it seems the Gospel is all encompassing and details every thing we need to have an opinion on. From the scriptures and conference talks to the teachings of Joseph Smith and Brigham Young, and all the Sunday School manuals, we have covered pretty much everything in the world, right? And once you understand these teachings all the opinions you extrapolate thereafter, it seems, are self-evident. So when someone doesn't agree with you you think they are struggling with their testimony.

This is the issue! This is the reason we pick at each other in Sunday School and try to “correct” one another in that condescending, passive aggressive manner that drives me nuts. To reconcile this mess I've accepted as valid the "Strata of Truth Theory." (I don't know if it's really named that, but I like to name stuff.) I didn’t make this up. I heard it somewhere. Church, institute, college... who knows? But that’s not important; the ideas are. Basically, think of truth as strata (layers) similar to the Earth’s make up. The inner core, outer core, mantle, crust, and all the way up to bodies of water, mountains, volcanoes, wind, fire, etc. Now think of these strata in terms of movement and activity. As you go from the core of the Earth up to streams and hills and whatnots the activity is much more susceptible to change and movement. The core doesn't move and never has (as far as we know), while wind and water can change the most outer surfaces of the Earth in minutes.

This, I surmise, is like the Gospel / the Truth of things. There are some doctrine and principles that never move, never change. They are like the core of the Earth. Immutable truths. Most people think that everything in the gospel is the core. It's not and that’s the problem. I would say that the atonement is at the core and the basics of the Plan of Salvation: Christ's atoning for our sins, resurrection, our personal identity as sons and daughters of God, our purpose here on Earth to gain bodies, be tried and tested, the final judgment, mercy, justice, eternal reward and progression. These are the core.

Now, I can't say exactly where everything falls, but I think this model can give us a general idea as to where things fall and how upset we should get over them. Suffice it to say that many, many things are on the mantle or crust, subject to seismic activity and change. God moves these things around as he sees fit. They are commutable truths that don't change the core, but are still very important. I would put Polygamy there, the Word of Wisdom also. Two examples of practices in the church that were truth one day and gone the next or vice versa in the case of the Word of Wisdom. The mantle and crust of truth are formed and manipulated for our time and generation. We must obey them, but don't get too attached, they could be gone in a 100 years.

Above this still, on the rocks and streams level, are the trivial non-doctrine things that we often fret over: white shirts and passing the sacrament, earrings, rated R movies, caffeine, or even less important is speculation about food in heaven, or other weird ideas some people care about. Think about most of the temple recommend interview questions. Do you believe in God, Jesus Christ, the Atonement, revelation, the divine origin of the Church, the law of Chastity... I believe those things to be at the core. The Word of Wisdom and tithing aren’t. Those are laws imposed specifically for our time. For our own good and learning. They are very important now, but they will go away eventually. The Law of Consecration will annul tithing and the resurrection will obviate the need for a Word of Wisdom. I’m just saying that those laws aren’t the core. The principles behind them are probably closer: sacrifice, agency, bending your will to God’s, faith, showing respect to the gifts God’s given us. What truths will remain after the Second Coming? I think this can help us sort what’s eternal truth (core) and what’s practical truth (crust/surface.)

On the small things the brethren have given sound advice, but use your best judgment. And just because they are the smaller things doesn't mean you should disregard them and take them lightly. This can lead to a lax attitude that can spill over into more important things. Make a good decision about them, just keep them in perspective, and don't get upset about what other people have decided in their regard. And the even smaller stuff, just laugh off. Whether or not we’ll eat food in heaven...give me a break.

So I guess my point is that I have wasted a lot of time worrying about these smaller things and neglecting the more important ones. Like charity, love, faith, service, humility, sacrifice, repentance, hope. Focus your energy on the core and give each successive strata its apposite due. I think you'll find the most dogmatic religious persons (in or out of the church) usually spend copious amounts of energy on these surface matters and severely lack in the more important attributes heretofore itemized. Conversely, the most humble and Christ-like people you know usually don’t sweat the small stuff or exhort you to.

Similarly, there is another troubling point that many good Mormons grapple with: The history of the Church. Why Joseph Smith did this, why Brigham Young said that, why this doctrine was truth one minute and grounds for excommunication the next. The Strata of Truth Theory also helps us understands God's dealings with humanity from the dawn of time until the present. Things have seemed to change drastically. He has asked his prophets and people to live in strange ways and do strange things. Strata, my friends. The core was still the same, but the mantle was shifted in a way that fit that time and its inherently unique circumstances. I think this will help the Mormons with intellectual reservations about the Church's apparent inconsistency in doctrine, as well as those troubled by the spectrum of belief within the Church. Put yourself in God's shoes (as unassuming and reverently as possible) and think about how you deal with your children. (those that have them, the rest of you just use your imagination) The story changes. You tailor the experience of every child to their individual strengths, weaknesses, and proclivities. The message is the same, but it's dressed differently. Now imagine each of your children represent the population of the earth during a given era. Complicated. You give the message that's best for the majority. THAT is the perfect way to do things.

Right and wrong, truth and error, doctrine and good ideas all fall within shifting strata of truth. The immutable truths, doctrine and principles at the core, the laws in the mantle, and the programs and good advice on the crust and opinions and fluff moving about on the surface. Weak human analogies and metaphors can’t explain God’s dealings completely. The Strata of Truth Theory is not perfect, but it gives a solid lens through which we can view the world and hopefully not waste our time at each other’s necks squabbling over trivial points. As Mormons I think we are far too uptight (more so in Utah, but it is present everywhere I’ve lived and attended church) which has lead me to hate my own culture and people. I hope these ideas will help remedy that. Where I have placed specific ideas and doctrine are a work in progress, so I don’t want to debate over them, but what do you guys think? Am I falling away? Is this false doctrine?

Thanks for your patience. I know this was heck of long. And thanks to Paul for introducing such a stimulating topic.

By The Sweat Of Thy Face Shalt Thou Eat Thy Bread...

And believe me, I sweat. And eat bread. And how!

Ok, so I was reading a person's blog who I barely know (some might call it blog "stalking," but we both know better, don't we? We both know, you and I , that's bull****; that if you put something on the Intranets you are basically inviting EVERYONE IN THE WORLD with computer access to view it. I think some people who want stalkers REALLY bad made these terms up: "blog stalker," "myspace stalker." Whatever, stop flattering yourself!), which i do from time to time because some of their posts are pretty entertaining. Anyway, there was like a survey thing they had filled out and i liked the one question, or entry, or whatever about listing the jobs they have held. It made me think about how many damn jobs I've had. I feel like it's been seriously tons. So for those interested I will list them to the best of my memory. I would put my age, but i think that might spoil the fun. I invite you all to imagine me doing all these jobs now. Truth of the matter is that any of them are real possibilities at this point.

Craig Tovey's REAL resume:
1. Yardwork for neighbors Paradise, CA (I got paid!)
2. JP's California Deli Paradise, CA - Cleaning floors
3. Jack In The Box Paradise, CA - Flipping burgers
4. Full Yard Service (hauling, clearing, mowing, cleaning gutters, etc)
5. Chevron Car Wash Rexburg, ID
6. Shasta's Diner Rexburg, ID - Dish Washer
7. Rise, Inc. Provo, UT - Care Giver
8. College Pro Provo, UT - House Painter
9. Danville Services Provo, UT - Care Giver
10. NightMoves Mobile DJ's Anaheim, CA - DJ
11. Dry Cleaning Coupon Books Costa Mesa, CA- Door to door sales
12. American Gear Pro Audio Long Beach, CA - Phone sales
13. Black Angus Provo, UT - Server
14. Nordstrom Mission Viejo, CA - Men's Apparel Sales
15. Chili's Mission Viejo, CA / Provo, UT / Aliso Viejo, CA / American Fork, UT - Server
16. AT&T (Procom) Provo, UT - Door to door sales
17. The Daily Universe Provo, UT - Graphics Editor
18. College Hospital Costa Mesa, CA - Mental Health Worker
19. Pro Audio DJ Irvine, CA - DJ
20. Princess Cruises - Teen DJ, Teen Staff
21. Carden Academy Mission Viejo, CA - PE/Computer Teacher
22. Landmark Home Interiors Redondo Beach, CA - Deliveries / Sales
23. X Cell Wireless Lehi, UT - Co-owner / Operator
24. MediaOne of Utah (NAC) SLC, UT - Account Executive
25. Craig Tovey Photography Provo, UT - Photographer For Hire

So there you have it. The story my future employers will never know. I hope it was worth the time you took to read it. Thanks for stopping by, even if you never comment. You are welcome here...

I Lost 11 lbs In 4 Days But Still Didn't Win.

So i took part in a weight loss contest (a la "Biggest Loser") that was organized by Jimmy Eaton in an attempt to help motivate himself to lose some excess pounds. He recruited all of his chubby friends and charged them a $50 buy-in. it was a 3 month contest and the man who lost the greatest % of body weight was the winner. The 1st place prize was $400. I thought that was pretty sizable and quite motivational. The first 2 weeks to month is when everyone made their greatest strides. Exercising, dieting and whatnot. It was really anyone's game at that point. But then of course, month 2 is when everyone pretty much forgot they where in a contest entirely except for a select few. I remembered and gave a mediocre effort to keep my weight at bay.

I started out at 218 lbs and within the first month was down to 209 lbs. From then on I was stuck there. I still worked out and tried to eat better, but no more weight came off. Around Oct. 15th (about 3 weeks from final weigh in) or so I started to get more serious and about Oct. 29th I got real serious and lost about 3 more lbs. On Wednesday Oct. 31st i weighed 206 lbs. Friday I fasted from lunch on. But here's the kicker... I got a great tip from Gordon Peterson and on Saturday morning I got up at 6:30 and went to the gym. From 7am on I spit into a cup as much as possible. Dressed in long sleeve shirt, sweats, hoodie, and beanie I ran for 25 minutes (still spitting the whole time.) I then went into the sauna for 50 minutes fully clothed. I had two tootsie pops to keep me company and continued to spit into a bottle. As time went on I started to disrobe until I was down to just my sweatpants and shoes. It was hell of hot.

I wasn't sure how much this was going to help, and was prepared to be really pissed if I didn't lose some serious weight from it. When i got to Jimmy's house i was informed that Allen, one of the other contestants had gone from 229 to 202. I was scared, but thought maybe I had a chance. After a quick visit to the restroom and stripping down to just running shorts i weighed in... at 195 lbs!!! I had lost at least 10 lbs in water weight!! BUT... slow and steady wins the race and Allen still took first. I lost 10.5% of my body weight and he lost 11.5%. A hole. I left with $75 bucks.
So of course I ran home and took some photos. My mentality was basically, "Quick! I'm skinny! Take a picture!" That is what you're looking at above. I haven't been under 200 lbs in like 3 years, so that was a fun experience.

But here's the moral. If you are drafted into a weight loss contest, call me before the first weigh in and I'll give you the tips on how to sweep that puppy. Next time I enter one of these things I will kill everyone.